Why I’m getting off the capitalist treadmill

Let me get to the point.

The financial insecurity that we have under capitalism is going to slowly kill me and what’s possible for me and my work of healing and liberation.

This financial demand of capitalism – that I constantly have to think about making enough money so I can have a safe place to sleep, food to eat, and enjoy life with my loved ones – eats up so much of my energy.

Especially since I also financially support my mother. I’m the safety net for my family in many ways, as is common for a lot of people of color, especially from immigrant families.

I used to also be the safety net for the staff at Everyday Feminism. I gave so much of my personal money to make sure the other staff got paid, even when I didn’t.

I took on credit card debt in order to make sure I had a lot of cash available. I never knew when I would need to give it for payroll or to my family.

The stress of being the financial provider for so many other people – at the expense of my own financial well-being – was one of the harder parts of working at Everyday Feminism for me.

I had to do a lot of healing work over the last year in order to free myself from this deeply embedded belief that drove me to financially sacrifice myself for others.

That healing led me to be able to take sabbatical from work – and for the first time in my life since I was in high school, I did not worry about money.

What Happened When I Was Free of Financial Insecurity

The emotional relief and mental spaciousness that I felt from giving myself permission to not worry about money was tremendous.

I did so much healing and spiritual work during those short two months that one friend said I was practically levitating!

My capacity to hold space for people and support them in their healing and living into their dreams was so much more than before (which is normally a lot to begin with!)

I was able to give so much love, attention, and care to others – because I was giving them to myself first.

How Financial Insecurity Got Me Again…Almost…

Then I started working again. I started slowly to ease myself in back into work.

But the very fundamental nature of my work was dehumanizing to me and to my community.

Capitalism teaches us that we have to sell our labor in order to be financially secure – and I was doing that with selling my online course.

In order to make enough money to support this work, I needed to share just some training content for free but keep most of it behind a pay wall…

Even though you need all of it, and I want to give you all of it.

So I’m tired of trying to make this transactional practice of capitalism work.

It doesn’t work.

And like I teach, it’s not me. It’s not that I’m not trying hard enough or aren’t smart enough to make it work.

I can see how it only works if I kill myself slowly by turning back into a work zombie.

So I. Say. No.

I’d rather turn to you and invite you to explore…

What could it look like for you to get my teachings for free and for my work to be financially supported?

I’ll share more thoughts on this in my next blog post.